This year is just insane for us! So far 2015 has seen Neil turn a year older, me graduate from university and start my first nursing post, we started a mortgage application and we was already planning our winter wedding. All this on top of trying to conceive…craziness! And don’t even mention the wedding drama (change of venue anyone? Photographers cancelling? Piece of (wedding) cake!).
So I plan on this post being written over a few days…I know what I want it to be about, and I want to convey that message the best I can. The trouble is…I am a waffler…I can waffle all day long and go of on many a tandems! I do not want to do that with this post…this one is about the day of our very first appointment with the gynecologist looming and every now and then I get this nervous bubbling in my stomach that wants to burst out. Between you and me, dear readers, I would prefer that it burst out into a blog post rather than my mouth…those who know me well (such as Neil who has to live with me) would probably prefer this too! So the plan is to add to this as I feel the need to overshare the inner workings of my crazy town brain as the week goes on!
Today is Sunday (14/06/2015) and our appointment is on 24/06/2015. My anxiety and nerves around this is kicking in already and sometimes my hands feel weird…like they need to be doing something…it is hard to explain but I get it a lot when something is bothering me. It is almost like an ache when they are idle but the minute they are busy the feeling goes away. Restless is probably the best way to describe them…but I can physically feel this in my bones…see I told you it was weird! I feel like I shouldn’t be anxious because this is the next step of our road to parenthood…and that is something to be very positive about. However that niggling pixie of doubt that often rears its head keeps mumbling those dreaded words…what if! What if we can not conceive even with help? What if we have a miscarriage? Or more than one? What if we have a multiple birth? I am just grateful I have a busy week of three shifts and two training days to distract me before a weekend of foo fighters in London, a trip to Great Yarmouth and a weekend free of wedding and baby talk…! A little bit of wedding planning in the form of table plans has helped distract me today.
It’s Tuesday morning and feeling ever so tired after a late shift at work last night and an early start today. I did not feel anywhere near as anxious yesterday as I did on Sunday however I did not sleep well either Sunday or Monday. Hopefully this is a temporary blip. Hoping the anxiety calms a bit now as other than my lack of sleep I feel calm today. work has been busy today which is always a great distraction but I feel the anxiety is passing, which is great as I’m not usually an anxious person.
It’s Wednesday morning and had a rude awakening in the form of a nurse coming to take my blood sample from the life insurance company…totally forgot! They are treating my PCOS as a preexisting condition and need to get a letter from my doctor which is annoying and will no doubt cost me more. It is part of our remortgage and despite writing it down totally forgot she was coming…i didn’t sleep properly again either so feeling groggy and my arm hurts because getting blood out of a stone would be easier then it is getting it out of my deep-set veins! Our baby and wedding talk free weekend has been disrupted as well; we were due to go and see the foo fighters live at Wembley but due to front man Dave Grohl falling and breaking his leg at the weekend all their European and UK tour dates have been cancelled! Absolutely gutted but having seen a picture of his x ray I wish him a speedy recovery!
Feeling pretty okay about next week today, I’m just tired as not sleeping very well. In training the next two days at work then six days off. But today is a day for coffee. Looking forward to a bit of a pampering tonight and getting my nails done as I’ll be off for a few days!
It’s Friday!!! On my last day of my IV training today and we have a fun packed weekend planned. I managed to sleep last night and feeling much better about next week. I randomly took a pregnancy test last night as had felt so sluggish, tired and had really bad heartburn & cramps for a few days (which is unusual for me) but it was negative…at least if they ask on Wednesday if we have done a test recently I can say I have!
Not much else I can say really until we have been to our appointment, so watch this space!