A new path

It’s tricky to know what to write about when very little is going on. It’s a fine line between white noise and blogging often about nonsense I guess!

It’s taken some time for us to deal with the loss of ‘Shortround’ and this has not been aided by the huge loss of my grandad who sadly passed away on St Patrick’s day. 

One of my last conversations with him before he became very ill was about being vegan and that age old sensitive topic for couples like me and Neil…babies!

I didn’t tell my Grandad I was vegan, for one reason mainly and that being he didn’t understand why anyone would not want to eat meat; being a religious man he believed animals were put on this earth to feed us. (An age old argument I’m not even going to attempt to break down!) But he found out, as he always had a talent for and he questioned me. Oh shoot! Grandad was a very passionate man with strong values and opinions so I had to make sure I had my speech ready! Haha! (My mum and I recently discussed how I was very much like him in this respect, and his love for tea!) But to my surprise, when I told him why I was doing it he seemed to accept it. Which lead him on to his next question…did I want a family? He had thought that due to my nursing career I did not want children, being from a generation of folk who believed you either had a career or a family, rarely both. I always hate this question. It’s something I have never really discussed with him as it would mean explaining PCOS and let’s be honest that sucks on its own. So I had to pull up my big girl pants and gave him the short version…yes I want a career AND a family but I have something wrong with my ovaries and hormones which isn’t helping, which is why I’ve gone vegan to help things along. And he wished Neil and I all the luck he could. I don’t think he grasped the enormity of it but I was happy for that. It’s tricky to be infertile in an ever growing and large family.  

How many people though have had similar questions or assumptions when really they are struggling just like we are? Not everyone is open about their struggles and we certainly don’t have neon signs above our heads and such questions can cause a huge amount of distress. We should all be mindful of what we assume or ask about others as you never know what is bubbling just under the surface. 

It’s now been almost three months since Shortround was called up for Angel duty and my body seems to have healed and I am now loosing weight again. So we decided to face the big question over our heads…what next?

We have decided that nice holidays and fancy things can wait and we are going to go private for fertility treatment. Bye bye spare funds, Hello pricey medical bills! We hope we will get better treatment and helped quicker.  We have approached a fertility clinic and are awaiting for a date for an initial consultation. We will both need to have some tests before hand once we have our date. 

We know I can conceive so it’s a start, and something we have to remember. I’m following advice of a good friend who is helping me with aromatherapy and trying to relax more! Which is harder then it should be when so much has happened in such a small space of time. I have always struggled to relax though and find this a hard thing to do. She recommended that I meditate but as much as love mindfulness I am not great at practicing what I preach! I found a great app on the Apple app store that provides a guided fertility meditation (available on Android and Apple). The introduction to this app, produced by Aluna Moon, states that studies in America have shown that infertile women using hypnosis have a higher success rates of conception than those who were using just IVF. The sessions are claimed to remove negative blocks to give a better mindset to reduce stress levels which in turn affects hormone levels. It all seems very new age for me but it does help you unwind and sleep better as well as improve your fertility chances then I’m all in! I also found another good app called Buddhify which also offers short guided meditation and these are categorised in a swish colourful wheel (available here for Android and here for Apple).  Since using the guided meditations I have seen an improvement in my level and quality of sleep; I feel less stressed too and have had some odd dreams about being pregnant! 

I’m continuing with the vegan diet, which I am enjoying. I do break away from this every now and then when we go out for dinner occasionally but it’s only ever one meal and I’m very good at getting back to it straight after! I liken it to breaking a diet and having a cheat meal! It is a temporary thing but I do believe that not consuming dairy has been the biggest help and if possible will continue this once we have successfully conceived. 

I guess that is all for now…Until we get our referral date! 

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