As you all know we were recently waiting for the endless two week wait to end to find out if our first cycle of Clomid had been successful. It is with a heavy heart we can confirm the first round was not successful. In fact, for the first time in months the Crimson warrior (AKA Aunt Flo) arrived early. The optimist in me hoped it was just spotting or maybe even implantation bleeding but alas it was not to be; a pregnancy test confirmed we still did not have our big fat positive!
It was crushing to say the least. You try and tell your self that it is ok, everything is fine and what will be will be, but you know deep down you are just filling your head with cliches to make your heart ache a little less. FYI it doesn’t work. We both felt like we had been kicked down again and those awful feelings from when we lost shortround came back in an instant. It did not help that the day we ovulated was the day we should have been welcoming our first child. We had hoped it was a sign of good things to come but it was purely a coincidence. The hardest thing I have found is that I felt different, I felt pregnant, or at least my body lead me to believe this.
It is very hard to convey how it feels to go through an infertility journey but to put it in perspective we have been actively trying for nineteen months. That’s eighteen negative pregnancy tests, one miscarriage and now our first failed Clomid cycle. But on top of this I have known for over sixteen years this would be an issue. That is a lot of negative experiences to continually be positive about. Yet we persevere and we carry on because we have to, because it’s what we want to be parents. We joke that a puppy would’ve been far cheaper! It is too easy to whine and question why not us, to wonder when it will be our turn. Instead we have to keep hoping that next cycle will be our time.
Going forward, we will be trying another cycle of Clomid. The timing is actually perfect as it should be due to start just as my summer annual leave starts which means in those two weeks I should be able to get in my scans before heading back to work! So that is something to be positive about. Plus it is summer here and for England it’s been pretty sunny lately! We were told by our fertility consultant that if Clomid is going to work it is usually within three cycles so we still have two more tries before we need to start thinking about our next steps.