Another cycle bites the dust

We’ve been quite for a while. Life has been busy with weddings to attend and weekends away, not to mention just general life keeping us busy. 

I figured people may wrongly interpret our silence on the last round of clomid incorrectly which could make for some uncomfortable and awkward conversations. 

We completed our last round of clomid, my body went through lots of side effects and these started much earlier this time. Which was fun…! My birthday saw me celebrating a very special ladies hen do not drinking and feeling so sick; was the biggest party popper ever! Luckily I made it though their beautiful wedding relatively symptom free! 

I had my scans as before and this did cause a little stress; it appreared at first I was not responding and the clinic were not being very flexible with times for me to come in for additional scans. 

Eventually my body did respond and I was informed that it can take women with PCOS longer to respond. This is information that would have been much more helpful months ago. 

Out two week wait ticked by and the Cronus on warrior did not appear. We were son confused as to when to test due to my unreliable cycle so we decided to wait until the app said I was due on, which was a few days after our two week wait was officially up. 

As ever, we got a big fat negative. 

There’s been lots of tears and heart to hearts this week as we feel we have to face the facts. 

The facts are plain and simple. I’m not doing great on clomid and barely responding. I feel tired, drained and bloated due to the drug and don’t feel as healthy as I did before, even after the miscarriage. I can’t face IVF, it is such a gamble , so much money and it may not even work. But I am at peace with the fact I don’t want IVF, it is okay. I don’t feel right putting my body through it when there is such a huge chance it won’t work. 

This is not defeat. This is us giving my body a break, our minds a break and taking some time to enjoy being married. We’ve been married almost a year and that whole time has been consumed with a miscarriage and fertility treatments. 

The next few months will see an end to me trying things I’ve read because it worked for someone else, and a real focus on getting healthier. If anything happens while we’re not tracking hormone levels and popping fertility drugs then that would be amazing, if not then it doesn’t. 

In six months time we will see where we are and make another plan. 

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